


Hahaha IKEA go brr

by Youcant_stopme



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Gen, IKEA, IKEA fic, Kirbylink, Linked Universe, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:26:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25893616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youcant_stopme/pseuds/Youcant_stopme
Summary: The links at IKEA,  Legend needs his trolley,  what am I doing, help
Relationships: Four & Hyrule & Legend & Sky & Time & Twilight & Warriors & Wild & Wind (Linked Universe)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 36





	1. The revolving doors from hell

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for all the help, lu discord

It was a normal day. Or, as normal as it can be when you have to travel through time with your reincarnations to save the universe, but enough about that. They had sat up a camp a few hours ago, and wild was making dinner. The silence disappeared when they heard Legend scream.  
"Warriors!!! Where the fuck is my trolley?!"  
"What?!"  
"You stole it, you fucking-"  
Legend attempted to strangle the idiot who maybe had stolen his trolley, but Twilight grabbed him in the neck.  
"Put me down! I have an idiot to kill!"  
"You aren't allowed to kill people! At least not us. You can take out your anger on a moblin later."

Twilight then yeeted him up in a tree, so the ratman could calm down.  
"Well done, pup. " the old man spoke, not looking up from the sheikah slate he had confiscated from Wild earlier.  
"I'm so proud of you."  
"Thank you, old man"  
They had a father-not looking at his son moment, before the stinky rat man interrupted.

"Hey! Are we going to ignore the fact that my pocket trolley is gone because of that motherfucker?!"  
Legend jumped down the tree. He pointed at Warriors, hands shaking of rage. He looked like his brain was going to explode any moment soon, and the captain flinched.  
"Warriors, did you take Legend's trolley?" Time asked him, seriously this time, because he didn't want to create ww3.

"No!! I don't know what you're talking about! But I wish that I'd done it."  
Warriors sounded actually concerned this time, and he had a worried look on his face.  
"Guys, this has gone too far. Legend can't live without his trolley."  
Twilight said, because Time gave him The Glare. Legend was now sobbing on the floor, and Hyrule patted him on the back.

"Ok! It was me!"  
They turned around, Wild was still cooking because that's the only thing he does when he's not the main character in a fic.  
"I took it so I had more place for my apples. The sheikah slate has run out of place."  
Legend just stared at the champion with wide mad eyes.  
-"You took it...my trolley bag..."  
The madman started chasing Wild, with a creepy smile.  
-"Twilight! Help!" Wils shrieked, and jumped towards the ordonian, who caught him with an arm.  
-"I will give it back! But you won't found it if you kill me!"  
Legend stopped.  
-"Show Me!"  
-"Okay, but keep him away from me"  
Wild said, not turning away from Legend, who was struggling not to scream of panic.

-"Time, can I have my sheikah slate back please?"  
The  
Old man huffed.  
-"okay, but only if you stop taking embarrassing pictures of me."  
-"Ok"  
Wild walked over to his bedroll, began to search. One hour passed, Legend was an absolute wreck, and sobbed in Hyrules shoulder. Wild had been frantically digging in his bag for a long time, when he suddenly stopped. He turned around, with a look of pure horror on his face.  
-"I-i t have...dropped it in the fire by accident"

Legend let out a shriek . He wanted to kill something so badly, but he realized that it wasn't going to help him get his trolley back. So He only curled up into a ball and ugly cried worse than before. Hyrule looked like he was really done with this shit, but tried to comfort the crying ball that screamed in anger and sorrow.

The rest of the links just stared at each other,tired. They were so tired.  
-"The flow of time is always cruel. Time passes, people move, like a rivers flow,it never ends." Wind said, staring blankly in the sky. Then he punched Warriors in the stomach and stole his scarf, because he's gremlin.  
Time gave him a wierd look.  
\------------  
One week later:  
-"I can't do this anymore."  
Hyrule whispered, the bags beneath his eyes was huge, and he looked like he hadn't slept for days, which was true.  
-"He won't stop crying!"  
Hyrule looked like he himself was on the edge of crying, and Four hugged him.

-"I know, it's okay. Just breath."  
Hyrule sobbed in his shoulder, and Time gave Four a tired look.  
At this point, everyone was tired. Legend was crying most of the time, and the rest he spent staring blankly into space instead. 

-"I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!"  
everybody winced at the high sound. It was Sky. They had never seen him like this before. His eyes was filled with a rage, and he screamed.  
-"HYLIA!! THIS SHIT HAS GONE TOO FAR! I CAN HANDLE THE FACT THAT I WAS CURSED, AND THE FACT THAT WE ALL ARE REALLY TRAUMATIZED!!  
BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!  
LEGEND NEEDS HIS TROLLEY!!"

A blinding light appeared, and they heard a voice  
-"ok, chill bro, who hurt you"  
In a flash of golden light a portal opened, and the next thing the links knew was that they were standing in front of a huge building with a blue and yellow sign. 

-"What does it say? I have never seen those kind of letters before."  
-"I don't know. Maybe we should...  
Twilight was suddenly interrupted by a voice that said  
-"fucking...just...walk into that building. You shall search for a new trolley. That will solve your problems. Now please shut up."  
Hylia said, and disappeared. 

Time groaned,but walked towards the door.  
"Wait." Warriors said, "that's not a regular door?!"  
The door (it was a door) was spinning around, pretty slow, but only if you knew how to use it. The links did not know that.  
-"Is it possessed or something?"  
-"Why is it made of glass?"  
Time cleared his throat, and put his hands on his hips.  
-"Okay kids, let's try to get inside!  
Twilight, you go first!"  
-"Why me?!"  
-"Because I'm the leader and I said so. End of conversation. "

The ordonian looked like he wanted to protest more, but Time gave him THE GLARE. Twilight closed his mouth again. He approached the "door" slowly, as if it was going to attack him. Nobody dared to look away.  
-"Get 'em Twilight!"  
Wind cheered, with a big smile.

The Ordonian was now in front of the door, and he narrowed his eyes suspiciously.  
-"One more step! Almost there!" Wild cheered.  
"Twilight! Twilight!"  
The champion and the sailor chanted, smiling  
-"Carefully, maybe it will be upset."  
They immediately went quiet.  
Twilight took the last step,and was now inside the thing. But the glass door came closer, and closer. He panicked, and tried to run away, but he smacked his face right in the door in front of him. The world went black.  
\----  
The owner of IKEA, a middle aged man who had seen better days, ate a doughnut. He liked his job, because  
He didn't have to do anything. He stood up, and walked over to his huge window. Oh, he loved to see his imperium grow. He looked over to the parking lots, everything was fine. The IKEA sign was still the same. The entrance...some people was yelling, but It wasn't that important, he thought, and continued his inspection.

No,He had a bad feeling about the entrance. Maybe he should look closer. He grabbed his binoculars, that he always had on his desk. He used it to look out for trouble,the thing he hated.  
He zoomed in on the entrance. It was...he didn't know how to describe it. Some wierd guy with a huge armour was screaming and yelling something .  
A man with pink hair was crying and a man who was kinda hot had his long blue and fancy scarf stuck in the revolving doors.  
He was also screaming, which was understandable.  
One of them had. Wait?! One of them, a boy with long hair, had smashed the glass in the revolving door!? And it looked like it was another man in there, unconscious. There were also two kids, one of them was screaming and the other was just staring blankly into space. A brown haired boy just looked like he wanted to disappear. The last one had a really worried look in his face, and tried to help the scarf one.

The owner of IKEA took away the binoculars, and decided that he had drank too much milk again. I will take a nap, he thought, and sat down in his chair. He just sat there for a moment, staring into the void. He couldn't believe his eyes. His poor revolving doors.  
-"Chief! It's-"  
-"I know."  
-"But-"  
-"No talk me, I angy"  
The young man who worked at IKEA stared at the chief, who looked like had seen a ghost. He decided that it was finally time for the man to do something useful. 

-"Loafus cromwell."  
The owner of IKEA winced.  
-"Don't call me that."  
-"Well, excuuuuuuse me, princess."  
-"Out!! Now!!"  
Loafus-  
*insert strangling sounds here*  
Ahem, the chief, stared at the younger man . The man stared back.  
-"The girls are fightinnng!"  
A woman, also working at IKEA, stand in the doorway. She laughed and told them to stop.  
They stopped.  
-"Now to the real problem. The whole place is in panic, because of those guys."  
She pointed at the silhouettes outside.  
-"Maybe we should try to do something?"  
-"Right"


	2. Chapter 2. The search begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wep. Chaos. Links at IKEA, what will they do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot to all people on the lu discord, I got a lot ideas bc if you guys. Ily!

Warriors was not a-happy. First, Twilight ran in into that weird thing and got knocked down, and when he'd try to save him, he's scarf got stuck. Not fun. Sky had helped him out, and they got past the door somehow. The house was huge!  
It was things everywhere!

Even Legend's hoarder instincts had been activated, and he'd finally stopped crying, thank Hylia!  
-"Soo...should we begin search?"  
-"Yes, I suppose so, I think we need to split. Four, you go with Warriors and Sky, Legend, you go with Twilight and Wild, Hyrule, you and Wind will come with me."  
The old man looked pretty satisfied with himself. Twilight stared at him, a betrayed look on his face.  
-"But...old man-"  
-"Hmmm? What did you say? I can't hear you!"  
Twilight gave up.  
He accepted the fact that he had to take care of a pyromaniac and a kleptoman. Alone.

He sighed, but started walking, Wild and Legend in his heels.  
The three groups started moving in different directions. Wind followed Time until he saw his opportunity and sneaked behind a closet. He heard Hyrule and Time pass, and began walking in the other direction.

The Old man didn't want them to split up, but this place was so cool, and he was a pirate after all. He did what he wanted to do. Still, he felt a little guilty, but curiosity replaced that when he saw lots of people eating on some tables. In the middle of the room was a huge desk with food, protected by a wall of glass. A man stood behind the desk and served everyone food. He looked really bored. Wind saw a box painted with bright colours. He walked closer. A little girl took out something from the box. 

It was covered with green paper. The girl took it off. It was something green and white on a stick. She took a bite of it.  
-"Aaahhhh! Mom! The ice cream gave me brain freeze!!"  
The little girl ran to her mother, who gave her a hug and laughed. If this was a normal fic, it would probably end up with a sad Wind because missing family hours. But this is crack, so Wind didn't care.

Instead, he opened the box. Wild made crepes with whipped cream once, and he had loved it. The girl had called this thing icecream. It HAD to be good. He choosed one, and unwrapped it. It was brown, and had some kind of cone shaped waffle in the end. Wind chewed of a little bit of the top.  
Oh Hylia. This was so amazing.

He ate the whole ice cream cone in a couple of seconds. And now he wanted more. A thought took from in his brain. He pushed the box in front of him a little bit, out of sight from the man behind the desk.  
Then took out all the ice cream from the box, and poured everything in his bag. He found a good closet to hide in, and began eating.  
\--  
Hyrule did not like this. One minute, he was with Wind and Time on their way to search for a new trolley. The other, Time and Wind was gone, and he was lost. Luckily, he'd found a map lying on the floor. It was dirty and people had stepped on it, but at least readable, If he could read, which he couldn't. Well, it would probably turn out better if he started searching for the others. So he picked a direction and began walking.  
\---  
Sky sighed. He was tired again. They had been searching for the trolley bag in one hour, and he was getting really bored. Warriors was freaking out , because he couldn't find something to repair his scarf with, and Four was nowhere to be seen. Sky himself had began looking for something to his sun, and he'd found a beautiful thing somebody called "waste basket". It was pretty, pink and the net was blue.  
A perfect fit. He could imagine that It would Be a fantastic hat. 

He took the thing, and continued walking. Soon, he saw a sign, with a picture of a bed. He realized how tired he was, and walked past it. He looked around. The only thing he could see was beds, beds and more beds.  
Sky took a important decision there and then. He had to try every. Single. One.

He picked one with a blue blanket, and just face planted on it. Maybe he could use some sleep. He would just rest for a bit before trying the next. But, that was a really bad thought, and soon he was deeply asleep, not even Fi singing could wake him up. And that, my friend is a horrible sound.  
\---  
The ikea worker thought he was going to cry. First, he had woken up too early, and hadn't been able to go back to sleep. Second, he didn't have any coffee. Third, he had to go to work anyway. And now a weird man with a blue scarf wanted help to find a needle and thread. The man also wore some kind of armour. He had to admit that the man in front of him was really beautiful, and that did not help, because now he had to help him. 

Warriors was really annoyed. The guy that he'd asked for help looked like he was going to get a nervous breakdown any moment soon, and didn't help that much.

-" Um...where is the sewing section?"  
-" just one moment, sir..."  
-"Call me link"  
The man stared at Warriors suspiciously.  
-" I assume that your parents sure liked Zelda a lot, hmm?"  
-" what do you mean?"

The man sighed.  
-" Forget about it. Here is it."  
The man gave Warriors a thread and needle.  
-"Oh thanks a lot!"  
-"No problem. You don't have to pay, it was my pleasure."

The ikea man walked away.  
Warriors was really confused, why had they talked about Zelda? But he let go of that and sat down in a couch to repair his scarf.  
\---  
Four was searching for the trolley. It didn't go that well.  
Guys, we need to focus.  
But Vi, it's so much stuff everywhere!  
That dramatic rat can go search for that shit himself.  
Blue, Red, I know this place is interesting, but Vio have right. We need to continue searching.  
Four's train of thought disappeared when Wind jumped out of nowhere.  
-"BOOOOO!!"  
-"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH"  
-"HAHAHA GOTCHA!!" 

Wind laughed so hard that he almost cried. Four flinched. It was funny, but not THAT funny. Come to think of, Wind looked kinda...high? He couldn't focus his eyes on anything, he was running around in circles, and laughing hysterically. 

-"Wind, give me a honest answer, did you drink Time's Chateau Romani again?"  
Wind gave him a betrayed look.  
-" NO HOW DARE YOU IMPLY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! I WOULD NEVER. I JUST ATE SOMETHING CALLED ICE CREAM!"  
Four rolled his eyes.  
-" Well, let me start with that time Legend got hurt and instead of helping him, you gave him chateau romani. He couldn't walk straight for a day."  
-"BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT! I DIDN'T KNOW!"  
-" ok, ok, calm down. By the way, how much ice cream did you eat?"  
-"um, I think maybe...10?"  
-"wh- Wind??? How are you not freezed yet?"  
-"I DON'T KNOW!"

Wind ran around screaming and laughing. Then he suddenly stopped.  
-"Four..." he whispered  
-"I have a plan."  
He looked Four straight in the eyes, his blue orbs wide of sugar rush.  
-" Um...what is it?"  
Fours eyes shifted green and red for a second.  
-" WE HIDE AND SCARE PEOPLE!!  
IT WILL BE SO FUCKING FUNNY!"  
Four started think. The Vio part in him wanted to continue searching, but the three other parts was cheering of joy. Okay, not Blue, but he knew he wanted to do this.

Okay guys, I suppose I have no choice but let you join Wind in this. It'll be fun!  
WOHOOO!! Thank you so much Vio!!

-" Okay, I'm in!"  
-"AMAZING!"  
they found a good place to hide, behind three fridges, and began.  
They had scared a lot of people in a couple of minutes. A old man screamed and jumped so high that Wind got surprised he didn't broke a leg.  
-"This is so funny!  
-" shhh,we gotta be quiet!"  
A woman was it this time. Four jumped up with a scream. Wind did the same. The woman cried out loud, and ran away. Four laughed, but stopped, because all of suddenly he couldn't see anything. Anything but green. Green had been in charge, and he did not like this. It was too much green. It reminded him of green peppers. His worst fear.  
-"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"  
his panicked brain had a intense argument 

Green, for fucks sake,calm down!!  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
Vio, please, help us calm him down!  
Ok, I think we need to split.  
You don't say??  
Shut it Blue. 

Four grabbed his sword, still screaming, and they splitted. The first Green did was running away, screaming and hitting stuff.  
The other halves was too tired to deal with that, so they just ignored him.  
-"WAIT, FOUR YOU ARE FOUR??"  
-"yes, we are."  
-"Oh, suddenly your nickname makes more sense. "  
Red walked away. He knew that Wild probably was committing arson right now, and he would gladly join him.  
Blue was now angry.  
-"No talk me, I angy."  
He walked away.  
Vio decided to continue searching for the trolley.  
Green's current state in thought was no thoughts, only panik.  
So he continued screaming and running and hitting stuff.  
\---  
The IKEA manager was on his edge of crying. He had called all security guards, but they couldn't do anything. The ice cream In the restaurant was gone, and a lot of things were broken. And like that wasn't enough, no, they had to start a fire in the kitchen section too. He walked fast in the corridor, reaching for a phone. His way was suddenly blocked by a little pink figure with a green hat.  
Strange. Loafus tried to walk past it.  
-"Move! I have to pass!"  
-"Poyo!"  
The pink figure's mouth opened, and the last thing the IKEA manager saw before KIRNK swallowed him was the phone, lying next to him, but still so far away.  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It continues. Kink is an oc of mine, I think he is oc. It kirby link

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter two is up soon.


End file.
